How to start a conversation

It’s normal to feel anxious about starting a conversation and making small talk. You might worry about saying the wrong thing – but having the confidence to act in a safe way could help save a life.

Signs someone may need help

How people act or look when they’re struggling to cope is different for everyone, but there are some general signs you can look out for if you’re worried about someone.

Remember, for some people several signs might apply, and for others just one or two – or none.

Signs to look out for:

  • They look distant, withdrawn or upset.
  • They appear restless, agitated or tearful.
  • They’re sitting or standing alone or in an isolated spot.

Trust your instincts. If someone looks out of place, is acting strangely or you just feel like something isn’t quite right – if it’s safe for you to do, try and start a conversation.

How to get started

It can be hard to know how to approach someone who needs help. A simple question or observation can be all it takes to interrupt someone’s suicidal thoughts and start them on the journey to recovery. Here are some tips on how to get the conversation started only if you feel it’s safe enough to do so:

  • Approach with ‘open’ and calm body language, for example with your arms unfolded, smile and make eye contact.
  • Introduce yourself and ask their name.
  • Ask if they are OK, or if they need help.
  • Make a small comment, for example about the weather.
  • Ask a question like “what time is it?” or “where can I get a coffee?”

Always remember that if you don’t feel safe approaching a stranger, you don’t have to. If you don’t feel confident speaking to a person by yourself, you can speak to a passer-by or if you are at a train station, find a member of staff or police officer. If you’re concerned for your safety or the safety of someone else at any time, call 999.”

What to do next

If you have initiated a conversation with someone, try and encourage them to start talking.

  • It might be appropriate to try and move the person away from a dangerous location if you are able to, and it is safe to do so.
  • If they’re standing, ask them if they’d like to sit down somewhere quiet, without distractions.
  • Ask open questions that require more than or a yes/no answer. For example, “how are you feeling?”
  • Listen to what they have to say and repeat it back, to make them feel listened to and understood.
  • Ask the person if there’s someone you can call for them.
  • You could mention other sources of support like Samaritans.

Looking after yourself

Supporting someone who is struggling, whether you know them personally or not, can be distressing – especially if that person is in danger of taking their own life or harming themselves.

It’s important to take the time to care for yourself, and seek emotional and physical support if you need it. Here are some things you can do to look after your own wellbeing while you support others:

  • Give yourself time to process what’s happened.
  • Talk about how you’re feeling to someone you trust.
  • If you need it, ask for help.
  • Call Samaritans if you need someone to listen without judgement or pressure.

If you need to talk, Samaritans are available – day or night. You can talk to them about anything that’s troubling you. Call free day or night on 116 123.

Trust your instincts. If you don't feel safe, do not approach a stranger. You don’t have to do it alone either. If you don’t feel confident speaking to a person yourself, you can speak to a passer-by or if you are at a train station, find a member of staff or police officer. It’s important to remember that if you’re concerned for your safety or the safety of someone else at any time, call 999.

It can take a while for someone who is having difficult thoughts to realise they are being spoken to. It might seem like they’re not listening. Be patient; stay in their line of sight if you can and just let them know that you’re there. When you feel ready, you can try and talk to them again.

If the person acts defensive or looks uncomfortable, it's best to alert someone to help. There is no right or wrong way to approach someone, and you don’t need special training to help – you just need to start a conversation. Simply talking to someone and interrupting their thoughts may be all it takes to encourage them to seek support.

It’s always better to approach someone you’re worried about. Making small talk and starting a conversation is a simple way to approach someone and find out if they might need help.

There is no evidence that intervening when someone is at risk will make the situation worse and there’s no perfect way to make an intervention, just do your best. By simply being there and showing you care, you could make a difference even if they don’t respond right away.

Remember...

Trust your instincts

There is no right or wrong way to approach someone and you don’t need special training to help – you just need to start a simple conversation. This is something you probably do every day without even thinking about it.

You won’t make things worse

There is no evidence that intervening when someone is at risk will make the situation worse and there’s no perfect way to make an intervention, just do your best. By simply being there and showing you care, you could make a difference even if they don’t respond right away.

Suicide can be prevented

Suicide can be prevented and suicidal thoughts are often temporary and can be interrupted. By starting a conversation, you could help save someone’s life and put them on a path to recovery.

You’re not alone

If you don’t feel confident speaking to a person yourself, you can speak to a passer-by, or if you are at a train station, find a member of staff or police officer. In an emergency, call 999.

If you think someone might need help, trust your instincts and if you feel safe to do so start a simple conversation. You could save a life.

This page is built using resources from Samaritan's How to start a conversation

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